Cyclone

A cyclone hit a Kansas  farmhouse just before dawn one  morning.

It tore off the roof, and picked up the beds on which the  farmer and his wife slept were  sleeping.  By some miracle, the cyclone set them  down unharmed the next county  over.

The wife was sobbing uncontrollably.

"Don't be scared,  Mary," her husband said.
"We're not  hurt."

Mary continued to cry.  "I'm not scared."

She said between  sobs.  "I'm happy. This is the first time  in 14 years we've been out  together."

Sex In The Dark

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. 

Every time they made love, the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.

She figures she would break him of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... A vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
"I'll explain the toy. .
You explain the kids."