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Sunday, 29 December 2013

The Snoring Stopper

A man has a dog that snores in his sleep. Annoyed, because she can't sleep, his wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring. 

A few hours after going to bed, the dog is snoring as usual. Finally, unable to sleep, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it around the dog's testicles, and sure enough, the dog stops snoring. 

The woman is amazed. Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring very loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. 

So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him. The woman sleeps very soundly. 

The next morning, the husband wakes up very hung over. He tumbles into the bathroom to urinate. As he is standing in front of the toilet, he looks in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and, as he walks back into the bedroom, he notices a red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles. 

He shakes his head, looks down at the dog and says: “Boy, don't remember where we were or what we did, but, by God, we got first and second place.”

Quote Of The Day: Abu Sa’eed Al-Khudri reported: Some people from the Ansar asked the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, and he gave them. Then they asked for charity again and he gave them. Then they asked again and he gave them until all he had was gone. The Prophet said, “If I had anything, I would not withhold it. Whoever refrains from asking others, then Allah will make him content. Whoever would be self-sufficient, then Allah will make him self-sufficient. Whoever would be patient, then Allah will make him patient. There is no gift that is better and more comprehensive than patience.” Source: Sahih Bukhari 1400 Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Bukhari.


Wednesday, 11 December 2013

A Drunk

A drunken man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick,
and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, “Say, Father, what causes arthritis?”

“My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for
your fellow man.”

“Well, I'll be damned,” the drunk muttered, returning to
his paper. 

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologised.

“I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”

“I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the pope does.”


Quote Of The Day: Abu Huraira reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The Quran will be brought on the Day of resurrection and it will say for its reciter: O Lord, decorate him. So he will be clothed with a crown of nobility. Then it will say: O Lord, give him more. So he will be clothed with a suit of nobility. Then it will say: O Lord, be pleased with him. So Allah will be pleased with him and He will say: Recite and rise up, be increased for every good verse.”  Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2915  Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to At-Tirmidhi