Saturday, 21 April 2012
A chicken farmer went to a local bar. Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too."
"What a coincidence," the farmer says. "This is a special day for me. I am celebrating."
"This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' says the woman.
"What a coincidence,' says the farmer. As they clinked glasses the man asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant."
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great,' says the woman. "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I used a different cock," he replied.
The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence."
Sunday, 8 April 2012
A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work . Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the illegal lovers and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch.
Then the woman's husband unexpectedly comes home.
She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy is in there already.
The little Boy says, "Dark in here."
The Man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy : I have a soccer ball, do you want to buy it?
Man : No, thanks.
Boy : My dad's outside, I'll call him if you don't buy it.
Man : OK, how much?
Boy : $1,000.
A few weeks later it happened again, and the boy and the lover were in the cupboard together again.
Boy : Dark in here.
Man : Yes, it is.
Boy : I have soccer boots.
The Man, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
The Boy says, "$5,000."
The Man says, "Fine, I will buy them."
A few days later, the Father says to the boy, "Grab your ball and boots, let's go outside and have a game."
The Boy says, "I can't, I sold them for $ 6,000."
The Father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. $6,000 is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your 'SINS."
They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The Boy says, "Dark in here."
The Priest says, "'Don't start that again!"
"THIS IS MY CHURCH, NOT YOUR FATHER'S HOUSE!"
Monday, 2 April 2012
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.
Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on
strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found
his horse had been stolen.
He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!" he yelled with forcefulness. No one answered.
"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside and his horse had been returned to the post.
He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go...what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."