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Sunday, 24 February 2013

Dearly Departed

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. 

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?” 

The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?” 

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wife's first husband.”

Quote Of The Day:  Abu Sa’eed Al-Khudri reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Allah will say: O Adam! Adam will reply: I am at Your service. Allah will say: Bring out the people of the Hellfire. Adam will say: Who are the people of the Hellfire? Allah will say: They are nine hundred and ninety-nine of every thousand. At that time, the hair of children will turn gray and every pregnant woman will drop her load and you will see people in a state of drunkness, although they are not intoxicated, for the punishment of Allah is severe.” This news greatly distressed the companions and they said, “O Messenger of Allah, who is the one man who will be saved?” He said, “The good news is that the one thousand will be from the nations of Gog and Magog and the one will be from your nation.” Then he said, “By the one in whose hand is my soul, I hope you will be a third of the people of Paradise.” Then we praised Allah and exalted Him, and he said, “By the one in whose hand if my soul, I hope you will be half of the people of Paradise. Verily, your example is that of a white hair on the skin of a black ox, or  a hairless spot on the leg of a donkey.”  [Sahih Bukhari, Book 76, Number 537, Sahih] 

Friday, 22 February 2013

Son's Prayers

One night a father overheard his son saying his prayers, “God bless Mommy and Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa.”
Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot about it. The next day, the grandfather died. 
About a month or two later the father heard his son saying his prayers again, “God bless Mommy and Daddy. Goodbye Grammy.” 
The next day the grandmother died. Well, the father was getting more than a little worried about the whole situation. Two weeks later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers. 
“God Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy.” This alone nearly gave the father a heart attack. He didn't say anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would miss the traffic. He stayed all through lunch and dinner. Finally after midnight he went home. He was still alive. 
When he got home he apologized to his wife, “I am sorry, Honey. I had a very bad day at work today.”
“You think you've had a bad day? YOU THINK YOU'VE HAD A BAD DAY!?”, the wife yelled, “The mailman dropped dead on my doorstep this morning.”

Quote Of The Day: Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The best day on which the sun has risen is Friday; on Friday, Adam was created, and on it he was made to enter Paradise, and on it he was expelled from therein.”  [Sahih Muslim, Book 4, Number 1856]

Thursday, 21 February 2013

Yell for Help

Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. 

They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.   After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others, “I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together.”   

The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly, “Together, together, together.”

Quote Of The Day: Abu Umamah reported: A man came to the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, and he said, “Give me permission to commit adultery.” Those who were near the Prophet rushed toward him and were about to consume him, but the Prophet said, “Leave him alone.” Then he said, “Would you like that to be done to your sister?” He said, no. The Prophet said, “Would you like that to be done to your daughter?” He said, no. The Prophet continued asking him like this and every time he would say no, so the Prophet said to him, “So hate what Allah has hated and love for your brother what you love for yourself.” He said, “O Messenger of Allah, supplicate for Allah to make women the most reprehensible thing to me.” The Prophet said, “O Allah, make women reprehensible to him.” The man left and he returned after some nights and he said, “O Messenger of Allah, nothing is more hateful to me than women, so give me permission for tourism.” The Prophet said, “Verily, the tourism of my nation is the struggle in the way of Allah.”  [Al-Bayhaqi, Sunan Al-Kubra, Number 17033, Sahih]

Sunday, 17 February 2013

The Nun

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.”  

The nun agreed.  

A moment later two military police ran up and asked, “Sister, have you seen a soldier?”  

The nun replied, “He went that way.” 

After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out  from under her skirt and said, “I can't thank you enough, Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Afghanistan.”  

The nun said, “I understand completely.” 

The soldier added, “I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs.”  

The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls, I don't want to go to Afghanistan either.”

Quote Of The Day: Anas ibn Malik reported: A Jewish woman came to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, with a poisoned sheep and he ate from it. She was brought to him and it was said, “Should we kill her?” He said, “No.” I continued to see the effects of the poison upon the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him.  [Sahih Bukhari, Book 47, Number 786]

Thursday, 14 February 2013

Good Excuse

A guy bought a new Mercedes and was out on Highway 2 for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.  

As the needle jumped up to 140 km/h, he suddenly saw red and blue flashing lights behind him. “There's no way they can catch a Mercedes,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 150, 160.  

Then the reality of the situation hit him. 

“What in the world am I doing?” he thought, and pulled over. 

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. 

“It's been a long day,” said the cop. “This is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go.” 

The guy thinks for a second and says, “Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.”  

“Have a nice weekend,” said the officer.

Quote Of The Day: Abdullah ibn Mas’ud reported: He stood upon a platform and he grabbed his tongue and he said, “O tongue! Speak goodness and be rewarded, or remain silent and be safe before you are regretful.” Then he said: I heard the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, say, “Most of the sins of the children of Adam are on their tongues.”  [At-Tabarani, Mu’jam Al-Kabeer, Number 10300, Sahih]

Tuesday, 12 February 2013

Little Johnny. Nickels And Dimes

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime -- Little Johnny always takes the nickel.

One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor man takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?”

Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20.”

Quote Of The Day: Umm Salamah reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever among women dies while her husband is pleased with her, then she will enter Paradise.”  [Sunan At-Tirmidhi, Book of Friday, Number 1078, Hasan]

Tuesday, 5 February 2013

The Boy And The Porsche

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, “Where did you get that car?”
He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”
“With what money?” demanded his parents. “We know what a Porsche costs.”
“Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.”
So the parents began to yell even louder. “Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?” they asked.
“It was the lady up the street,” said the boy. “Don't know her name-they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars.”
“Oh my Goodness,” moaned the mother, “she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on.”
So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.
“Well,” she said, “this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did.”

Quote Of The Day: Abu Musa Al-Ashari reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “You will never have faith until you love each other. Shall I tell you what will make you love each other?” They said, “Of course, O Messenger of Allah.” He said, “Spread peace between yourselves. By the one in whose hand is my soul, you will not enter Paradise until you are merciful.” They said, “O Messenger of Allah, all of us are merciful.” He said, “Verily, it is not mercy between yourselves, but rather it is mercy in general; it is mercy in general.”  [Al-Mustadrak ‘ala as-Saheehain, Number 7391, Sahih]