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Saturday, 3 January 2015

Three Dogs

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the veterinarian’s. One of the dogs was hanging its head and sighing. 

The second dog turned to him and asked, “What are you in here for, buddy?” 

The dog looked depressed. 

“I’m in big trouble,” he said. “My owner has a really nice sports car with leather seats. I just love to go for rides in it. Well, the other day, he took me for a ride and I was so excited, I peed on the nice leather seat. Now he’s having me put to sleep.” 

“I know how you feel,” said the second dog. “My owners have a beautiful, expensive oriental rug. The other day they were late getting home from work and I just couldn’t help myself. I fucked all over their nice carpet and ruined it. They’re having me put to sleep too.” 

Both dogs turned to the third dog in the waiting room. “So what are you here for?” they asked. 

“Well,” said the third dog, “my owner likes to do her housework in the nude. The other day, she was vacuuming and she knelt down to vacuum under the sofa and I just couldn’t help myself. I hopped on her back and had the ride of my life.” 

The other dogs nodded in sympathy. “So she’s having you put to sleep too, huh?” 

“No,” said the dog, “I’m having my nails clipped.”

Quote Of The Day: Hudhaifa ibn Al-Yaman reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, when the believer meets another believer and greets him with peace and shakes his hand, the sins of them both will shed like the shedding of the leaves of a tree.”  Source: Mu’jam Al-Awsat 253  Grade: Sahih li ghayri (authentic due to external evidence) according to Al-Albani

Friday, 2 January 2015

Perplexing Riddle

“It's time to see how clearly you can think,” the teacher said to his class. “Now, listen carefully, and think about what I'm saying. I'm thinking of a person who has the same mother and father as I have. But this person is not my brother and not my sister. Who is it?” 

The kids in the class furrowed their brows, scratched their heads, and otherwise showed how hard they were thinking. But no one came up with the right answer.  

When everyone in the class had given up, the teacher announced, “The person is me.”  

Little Jeffrey beamed at learning the answer. “That's a good one,” he said to himself. “I'll have to try that on Mom and Dad.”  

At dinner that night, little Jeffrey repeated the riddle to his parents. “I'm thinking of a person who has the same mother and father as I have,” he said. “But this person isn't my brother and isn't my sister. Who is it?”  

His parents furrowed their brows, scratched their heads, and otherwise pretended that they were thinking hard. Then they both said, “I give up. Who is it?” 

“It's my teacher!” Jeffrey said.

Quote Of The Day: Al-Qurtubi reported: It was said to Ibrahim ibn Adham, “What is wrong with us that we supplicate and we receive no answer?” Ibrahim said, “It is because you know Allah and you do not obey him, and you know the Messenger and you do not follow him or his tradition (sunnah), and you know the Quran and you do not act according to it, and you eat from the blessings of Allah and you are not thankful for it, and you know Paradise and you do not seek it, and you know Hellfire and you do not flee from it, and you know Satan and you do not fight him but rather you agree with him, and you know death and you do not prepare for it, and you bury the dead and you do not learn from it, and you ignore your own faults and you are concerned with the faults of others.”  Source: Tafseer Al-Qurtubi 2:186


A woman and a baby waited in the doctor's examining room, waiting for him to come in.

The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and commented the baby wasn't gaining enough weight. He then asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

“Breast fed,” the woman replied.

“Well, strip down to your waist,” the doctor ordered. She did.

He pressed, kneaded, and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, “No wonder this baby is hungry. You don't have any milk.

“I know,” she said with a smile, “I'm his grandma, but I'm glad I came now.”

Quote Of The Day: Abu Huraira reported: A man reviled Abu Bakr and the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, was sitting down and he was impressed by Abu Bakr and he smiled. Then, Abu Bakr reviled the man with the same words as him and the Prophet became angry and he stood to leave. Abu Bakr went to the Prophet and he said, “O Messenger of Allah, the man reviled me and you were sitting, but when I responded you became angry and stood up.” The Prophet said, “Verily, there was an angel with you responding on your behalf, but Satan appeared when you responded with the same words as him and I will not sit in the presence of Satan.” Then the Prophet said, “O Abu Bakr, there are three persons who are given a right. No servant is wronged by an oppressor and he overlooks it except that Allah the Exalted will support him. A man does not open the door of charity to strengthen family ties except that Allah will increase his wealth. A man does not open the door to begging to usurp wealth except that Allah will increase his poverty.”  Source: Musnad Ahmad 9411  Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Mundhiri