Kidnapped

A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note. 

‘I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7 A.M.’ 

Signed, ‘The Blonde’. 

She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. 

The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note. 

‘Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another’.

Police And Thief

Police asked a thief, “why you stole 3 times in the same store?”

Thief replied, “I stole one dress for my wife and I went to change it twice. Women you know!”

Boy And Girl

Boy : Boys are inteligent than girls.

Girl : Any proof?

Boy : You always say INTELLIGENTS, but you never say INTELLILADIES.

GREAT PEOPLE,
GREAT THOUGHTS.

Fishin' Trip

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big ‘everything under one roof’ department store looking for a job. The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?”

The kid says, “Yeah. I was a salesman back in North Dakota.” 

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.” 

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.

After the store was locked up the boss came down. “How many customers bought something from you today?” 

The kid says, “One.”

The boss says, “Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?” 

The kid says, “$101,237.65.”

The boss says, “$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?”

The kid says, “First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.”

The boss said, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?”

The kid said, “No the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend's shot - you should go fishing’.”

Fast Thinking Old Man

The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he made the women aware of his presence.

At once, they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We're not coming out until you leave.”

The old man frowned, “I did not come down here to watch you young ladies swim naked, or to make you get out of the pond naked.”

Holding up the bucket, he said, “I'm here to feed the alligator.”

Moral: Old men can still think fast!

Letter From Mr. Bean