The Bride Tells Her Husband

The bride tells her husband, “Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?”  

“OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place ‘the prison’ and call my private thing ‘the prisoner’. So what we do is, put the prisoner in the prison.” 

And then they made love for the first time.  

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.  

Nudging him, his bride giggles, “Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped.”  

Turning on his side, he smiles. “Then we will have to re-imprison him.”  

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, “Honey, the prisoner is out again!”  

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal. 

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.  

She nudges him and says, “Honey, the prisoner escaped again.” 

Limply turning his head, he YELLS at her, “Hey, its not a life sentence, OKAY!”

Quote Of The Day: Narated by 'Abdullah bin 'Umar Razi Allah Anhu: Allah's Apostle Peace Be Upon Him said, “If anyone of you is invited to a wedding banquet, he must go for it (accept the invitation).” 
Sahih Al Bukhari - Book of Wedlock, Marriage (Nikaah) Volumn 007, Book 062, Hadith Number 102.

Billy

Billy was excited about his first day at school.  

So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said ‘yes’, but asked Billy to be quick.  

Five minutes later Billy returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. 

“I can't find it,” he admitted.

The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. Billy looked at the diagram, said ‘yes’ and goes on his way. 

Well five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher, “I can't find it.” 

Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who has been at the school for a while, to help him find the bathroom. So Tommy and Billy go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats.

The teacher asks Tommy, “Well, did you find it?”

Tommy is quick with his reply, “Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards.”

Quote Of The Day: Burdah Al-Aslami reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Give glad tidings to those who walk to the mosque in darkness, for it will become fully light on the Day of Resurrection.”  Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 223  Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to As-Suyuti

Men

A man was granted two wishes by God,

He asked for the best drink and the best woman ever.

Next moment he got mineral water and Mother Teresa.

 *******

There are three kinds of men in this world.

Some remain single and make wonders happen.

Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.

Rest get married and wonder what happened!

 *******

Wives are magicians.

They can change anything into an argument.

 *******

Why do women live a Better, Longer and Peaceful Life, as compared to men?

A very INTELLIGENT student replied, “Because Women don't have a wife!”

*******

“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”

“What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!”

“I know all that,” he said.

“Then why did you invite a friend for supper?”

“Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married”

*******

COOL MESSAGE BY A WIFE

Dear Mother-in-law, Don't teach me how to handle my children.

I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement!

 *******

I WILL THINK ABOUT IT:

When a married man says, I'll think about it - what he really means is that

he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.

*******

TALKING IN SLEEP:

A lady says to her doctor, “My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?”

The doctor replies, “Give him an opportunity to speak when he's awake!”

Quote Of The Day: Narrated by Abu Huraira Razi Allah Anhu: I heard Allah's Apostle Peace Be Upon Him saying, “By Allah! I ask for forgiveness from Allah and turn to Him in repentance more than seventy times a day.” 
Sahih Al Bukhari

Only Three Doors

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.  

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. 

“You can't get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?”  

The stewardess replied, “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

Quote Of The Day: Narrated 'Aisha (Radi-Allahu 'anha): The Prophet (Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wa Sallam) was asked, “What deeds are loved most by Allah?" He said, “The most regular constant deeds even though they may be few.” He added, “Don't take upon yourselves, except the deeds which are within your ability.”  Bukhari Vol. 8 : No. 472.