It's Dark In Here

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.

One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.

Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It's dark in here, isn't it?”

“Yes it is,” the man replies.

“You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy asks.

“No thanks,” the man replies.

“I think you do want to buy a baseball,” the little extortionist continues.

“OK. How much?” the man replies after considering the position he was in.

“Twenty-five dollars,” the little boy replies.

“TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!” the man repeats. “That's awful expensive,” but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.

The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.

“It's dark in here, isn't it?” the boy starts off.

“Yes it is,” replies the man.

“Wanna buy a baseball glove?” the little boy asks.

“OK. How much?” the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his dis-advantage.

“Fifty dollars,” the boy replies and the transaction is completed.

The next weekend, the little boy's father says, “Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch.”

“I can't. I sold them,” replies the little boy.

“How much did you get for them?” asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.

“Seventy-five dollars,” the little boy says.

“SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness,” the father explains as he hauls the child away.

At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says, “It's dark in here, isn't it?”

“Don't you start that crap in here,” the priest says.

Quote Of The Day: Abu Umamah reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The scribe on the right is trustworthy over the scribe on the left. When a person does a good deed, he records it immediately. When a person does a bad deed, he says to the scribe on the left: Stay your hand for six hours. If the person seeks forgiveness from Allah, then he will not write it. Otherwise, it will be recorded as a single bad deed.”  Source: Mu’jam Al-Kabeer 7685  Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to As-Suyuti

Follow The Boss

There are three ladies working in the same office. They begin to notice that each day the boss, who is also a female, leaves work early. 

One day they decide that once the boss takes off they are gonna be right behind her, after all she never comes back or calls so how would she know. So, they all three leave and the brunette was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa before meeting her dinner date. 

The redhead was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early. 

The blonde was happy, happy, happy, to be home. But when she got to her bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracks open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss.

Ever so gently she closed the door and crept out of her house. The next day at coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned leaving early again and asked the blonde if she wanted to go with them. 

“No way!” the blonde exclaimed, “I bloody nearly got caught yesterday!”

Quote Of The Day: Abu Huraira reported: A bedouin came to the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, and he said, “Indeed, my wife has given birth to a black boy and I have disowned him.” The Prophet said, “Do you have camels?” He said yes. The Prophet said, “What color are they?” He said, “They are red.” The Prophet said, “Are any of them gray?” He said, “There are gray camels among them.” The Prophet said, “Where do you think this color came from?” He said, “O Messenger of Allah, it is hereditary.” The Prophet said, “Perhaps this boy’s color is hereditary.” The Prophet did not allow him to disown his child.  Source: Sahih Bukhari 6884, Sahih Muslim 1500  Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

Suprise

A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, “Hello, could you give me condom. I'm going to my girlfriend's place for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!”

 

The pharmacist gives him the condom and the young man leaves. He soon returns and says, “Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might strike it lucky there too.”

 

The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says, “Go on, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes eyes, and since she invited me for dinner, think she is expecting me to make a move!”

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him. 

 

When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying, “Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all you give us.” 

A minute later the boy is still praying, “Thank you Lord for your kindness.” 

Ten minutes go by and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down.

 

The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend is even more surprised than the others. 

 

She gets close to the boy and says in his ear, “I didn't know you were so religious.” 

The boy replies, “I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!”

Quote Of The Day: Ibn Al-Qayyim said, “Forgiveness is more beloved to Allah than vengeance, mercy is more beloved to Him than punishment, grace is more beloved to Him than justice, and giving is more beloved to Him than withholding.” Source: Madarij As-Salikeen 1/228

<---When was the last time your Instagram picture won you something cool like this?

If you like tea, you'll 'tehtarik' hati dengan these freebies. #myliptonmoments----->

<---This is something you should take a look at! #mynote3

  

The Haircut

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son, “You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.”


The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, “Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.”

The boy said, “You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.”

The father replies, “Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?” 

Quote Of The Day: Sabra ibn Abu Fakih reported: I heard the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, say, “Verily, Satan lies in wait for the son of Adam in his paths and he lies in wait before the path of Islam. Satan says: Will you embrace Islam and abandon your religion and the religion of your ancestors? Then he disobeys him and embraces Islam. Satan lies in wait for him on the path to emigration and he says: Will you emigrate and abandon your land and sky, knowing the one who emigrates is only like a horse bound to a peg? Then he disobeys him and he emigrates. Satan lies in wait for him on the path of jihad and he says: Will you go forth in jihad when it will cost your life and wealth, knowing you will fight and be killed, your wife will remarry, and your property will be inherited? Then he disobeys him and he goes forth in jihad.” Then the Prophet said, “Whoever does that will have a right from Allah the Exalted that he will enter Paradise. Whoever is killed will have a right from Allah that he will enter Paradise. If he is drowned, he will have a right from Allah that he will enter Paradise. Whoever is thrown from his mount and breaks his neck will have a right from Allah that he will enter Paradise.”  Source: Sunan An-Nasa’i 3134  Grade: Hasan (fair) according to Al-Mundhiri

<---When was the last time your Instagram picture won you something cool like this?

If you like tea, you'll 'tehtarik' hati dengan these freebies. #myliptonmoments----->

<---This is something you should take a look at! #mynote3

Nuclear Power

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, “Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger's.”  

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, “What would you like to talk about?”  

“Oh, I don't know,” said the stranger. “How about nuclear power?”  

“OK,” she said. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”  

The stranger thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”  

To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?”

Quote Of The Day: Imran ibn Hussein reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever supports his brother in private, then Allah will support him in this life and in the Hereafter.”  Source: Mu’jam Al-Kabeer 14771  Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Haythami.

<---When was the last time your Instagram picture won you something cool like this?

If you like tea, you'll 'tehtarik' hati dengan these freebies. #myliptonmoments----->

<---This is something you should take a look at! #mynote3

Unfaithful

A couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, “Beth, soon we will be married 30 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”

Beth replied, “Well Charles, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 30 years, but always for a good reason.”  

Charles was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, “Beth, I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reasons’?”  

Beth said, “The very first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?” 

Charles recalled the visit to the banker and said, “I can forgive you for that.You saved our home, but what about the second time?”  

Beth asked, “And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge.” 

“I do recall that,” says Chuck, “And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.” 

“All right,” Beth said, “So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 43 more votes.”

Quote Of The Day: Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, in Paradise there is a market the people will come to every Friday. The north wind will blow and scatter fragrance on their faces and clothes and will add to their beauty and loveliness. They will return to their families having been increased in beauty and loveliness. Their families will say: By Allah, you have increased in beauty and loveliness after leaving us. They will say: By Allah, you have increased in beauty and loveliness after we have returned.”  Source: Sahih Muslim 2833 Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Imam Muslim