Cheating

Otis, Henry, and Tom were sitting in a bar discussing their wives.

Henry started by saying, “I think my wife's fooling around on me. I went home the other day and found a hammer and a saw under our bed. I think she's cheatin' on me with a carpenter.”

Tom answered, “Yeah, I think my wife isn't faithful either. The other day I went home and found a pipe wrench and some pipes under my bed. I think she's cheatin' on me with a plumber.”

Otis then joins in and says, “Well, if you think that's bad, I've got one for ya. I went home yesterday and found a cowboy under my bed. I think my Leena is cheatin' on me with a horse.”

Quote Of The Day: Hakeem ibn Hizam reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Both parties in a business transaction have the right to annul it as long as they have not separated. If they are truthful and clear with each other they will be blessed, but if they lie and conceal something the blessing will be eliminated.”  Source: Sahih Bukhari 1973, Sahih Muslim 1532  Grade: Mutaffaqun Alayhi (authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Imam Muslim

 

Reason For Divorce

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”

She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”

“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”

“It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded.

“I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?”

“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents.”

He said, “Do you have a real grudge?”

“No,” she replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”

“Please,” he tried again, “Is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is ‘yes’.”

“Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

“Yes,” she responded, “About twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?”

“Oh, I don't want a divorce,” she replied. “I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!”

Quote Of The Day: Abu Ad-Darda reported: I heard the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, say, “If three people in a town or in the desert do not establish the congregational prayer, then Satan has overcome them. You must establish the congregation, for verily, the wolf eats the solitary sheep.”  Source: Sunan Abu Dawud 547  Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to An-Nawawi

A Guy And Girl In A library

 

A guy asked a girl in a library, “Do you mind if I sit beside you?”

The girl answered with a loud voice, “I dont’t want to spend the night with youuu!”

All the students in the library started staring at the guy and he was embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and she told him, “I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed right?”

The guy responded with a loud voice, “$200 just for one night!? That’s too much!”

And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears, “I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty.”

Quote Of The Day: Narrated Ibn 'Umar (Radi-Allahu 'anhu): That he found 'Umar bin Al-Khattab in a group of people and he was swearing by his father. So Allah's Apostle (Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wa Sallam) called them, saying, “Verily! Allah forbids you to swear by your fathers. If one has to take an oath, he should swear by Allah S.W.T or otherwise keep quiet.”  Bukhari Vol. 8 : No. 129

Blonde Jokes

 

Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, “Look at that dog with one eye!” 

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and goes, “Where?”

*******

One day a guy is driving down the road and accidentlly hit's a chicken. Knowing that the chicken belonged to the blonde farmer down the road he thought he would go over and tell the blonde what had happened as he was an honest guy. 

When he gets there he apologized for running over what he thought was the blonde farmer's chicken. 

“What make's you think it's mine?” asked the blonde farmer. 

“Well you raise this type of chicken around here don't you?” said the guy. 

“Yes, but not flat one's like that.” answered the blonde.  

*******

One day two blondes are hunting when the one shout's to the other, “Come look at these deer track's I've found!”

So the other one comes over to take a look. “Those aren't deer track's, those are wolf track's!”

“No they're deer track's,” said the other. 

“No they're wolf track's,” insisted the other. So the two stand there and start arguing. Half an hour later they were both killed by a train.

*******

Two blondes decide to go to the dog pound and each get a puppy. After arriving home, one blonde says to the other, “How are we going to tell them apart?” 

The other blonde replied, “I know, I'll give my puppy a red bow, and you can give your puppy a blue one.”

The next day the first blonde comes back and says, “Oh no, I can't tell them apart. They ripped the bows off when they were playing.” 

The second blonde says, “I know, I'll give my puppy a red collar, and you give yours a blue one.”

The next day, the blonde returns. “Oh no, they've taken they're collars off while playing, I can't tell them apart.” 

The other blonde says, “I know, why don't I take the black puppy, and you take the white one?”

Quote Of The Day: Narrated Abu Huraira (Radi-Allahu 'anhu), The Prophet (Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wa Sallam) said, “If anyone of you rouses from sleep and performs the ablution, he should wash his nose by putting water in it and then blowing it out thrice, because Satan has stayed in the upper part of his nose all the night.”  Bukhari Vol. 4 : No. 516