Divorced Barbie Doll

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, “How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?”   

The salesperson answers, “Which one do you mean, Sir? We have Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95.”   

The amazed father asks, “Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?”   

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers, “Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.”

Quote Of The Day: Washi ibn Harb reported: His father and grandfather were companions of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and they said, “O Messenger of Allah, we eat but we are not filled.” The Prophet said, “Perhaps you eat separately?” They said yes. The Prophet said, “Eat your meals together and mention the name of Allah over it. You will be blessed in it.”  Source: Sunan Abu Dawud 3764  Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to As-Suyuti

Stuttering Problem

A guy walks into his doctor's office and says, “Ddddoc, I've bbbeen sssttttuttering ffor yyears and III'm tired of it. Ccccan yyyou hehehelp mmme?”  

The doc says, “Well, I'll have to examine you first before I can answer you.”  

The doc examines him and says, “Well, I'm pretty sure that I know what the problem is.”  

The guy asks, “Wwwell wwwhat is it, ddoc?”  

The doc says, “It's your penis. It's about about 18 inches long and all of the down pressure is putting a strain on your vocal chords.” 

The guy asks, “Wwwhat ccan wwe ddo about it?”  

The doc replies, “Well, I can cut it off and transplant a shorter one. I can guarantee that the operation will cure your stuttering.”  

The guy says, “Dddo it!” 

The guy has the operation and about four weeks later he comes back to the doctor's office and says, “Thanks Doc. You've solved my problem and I don't stutter any more but I've only had sex once in the past month. My wife doesn't enjoy it any more. I cannot satisfy her. She liked my long penis. I don't care if I have to stutter, I want you to put my long one back one!”  

The doc replies, “Nnnnope. A ddddeal's a ddddeal!”

Quote Of The Day: Abu Sa’eed Al-Khudri reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The morning meal is a blessed meal, so do not abandon it even if you take only a sip of water. Verily, Allah and His angels send blessings upon those who take the morning meal.”  Source: Musnad Ahmad 11003  Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Mundhiri

The Old Guy At The Gym

Advice for an old guy. 

  I was working out at the gym when I spotted a sweet young thing walking in.

I asked the trainer standing next to me, “What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?”  

The trainer looked me over and said; “I would recommend the ATM in the lobby.” 

Quote Of The Day: Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him not harm his neighbor. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him honor his guest. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak goodness or remain silent.”  Source: Sahih Muslim 47  Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Imam Muslim

Young Mwangi

Young Mwangi was appointed sales person at a local General Dealer's store in Kampala.

While on one of his shifts, a lady approached him and asked if they had peach jam to which he bluntly replied, “Out of stock.”   

At this, the lady immediately turned to leave the shop in disgruntlement.

It was then that the shopkeeper, who had been looking on, called Mwangi aside and told him, “When a customer asks for a product that is out of stock, you apologize for its unavailability, and then offer other types of the same product. For instance in this case it was peach jam, offer other types of jam like plum jam, guava jam and so on.” 

Next, came in another lady who asked for toilet paper and Mwangi politely replied, “I'm sorry ma'am, we don't have any toilet paper right now but you could try carbon paper, manila paper or sand paper.”

Quote Of The Day: Jabir ibn Abdullah reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever has three daughters and he cares for them, he is merciful to them, and he clothes them; then he will enter Paradise.” It was said, “O Messenger of Allah, what if he has only two?” He said, “Even two.” Some of the people thought that if they had said to him one, he would have said even one.  [Musnad Ahmad, Number 13835, Hasan]

Taking A Woman To Bed

TAKING A WOMAN TO BED What is the difference between girls/women aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78? *********************************************************************************** At 8 You take her to bed and tell her a story *********************************************************************************** At 18 You tell her a story and take her to bed *********************************************************************************** At 28 You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed *********************************************************************************** At 38 She tells you a story and takes you to bed *********************************************************************************** At 48 She tells you a story to avoid going to bed *********************************************************************************** At 58 You stay in bed to avoid her story *********************************************************************************** At 68 If you take her to bed, that'll be a story *********************************************************************************** At 78 What story? What bed? Who the hell are you? *********************************************************************************** According to the Office for National Statistics 190,374 people are having sex right now 212,130 are kissing and one poor ole fart is reading emails You hang in there sunshine!

Quote Of The Day: Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him not harm his neighbor. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him honor his guest. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak goodness or remain silent.”  Source: Sahih Muslim 47  Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Imam Muslim