Jokes 4

Many people hear voices when no-one is there.  Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing. -Meg Chittenden
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On my 15th birthday, I opened a package from my mom and sister.  Out came a beauty case containing samples of my very own makeup.

"Oh, neat," my dad said excitedly, "a tackle box!"

My mother and sister explained that it was a beauty kit, not a tackle box.
As I opened it up and showed everyone the eye shadow, mascara, and rouge, my father leaned over to my mother and whispered, "I told you it was a tackle box.  Just look at all those lures.
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If only the good die young then what does that say about senior citizens?
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The Birthday Gift

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks.  He wanted a new truck.

She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said.  "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less.  And my birthday is coming up.  You could surprise me."

For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral services are pending.